he always told me not to bite my nails. its weird i never thought about his advice until now, today. i haven’t seen him or spoken to him in months, almost a year. i wouldn’t even know if he was alive if it wasn’t for facebook. i’m going to trim my nails now, and make a concious effort not to bite them. maybe bc i miss him or maybe bc it was good advice. not sure.
thinking about ppl of my past always sends chills up my spine & makes the hairs on my arm stand erect at attention. their spirit always smothers my memory, and i feel the exact same feelings i used to feel at that moment when ‘we were’ was ‘we are’. it makes me smile. i like remininscing sometimes, it feels good. & i never feel bad after it, bc what was, was and que sera, sera.
i think that’s why i like people who excite my senses. good colognes, noisy kisses, deep voices. that’s why i like touching people i care about so much. on the arm, shoulder, anywhere, i like my fingers to have a physical recollection of ‘now’, so i can feel it again when i reminisce. its a comfort to me, because usually the end of most of my flings end abruptly, randomly. i get bored easily, and i know people get bored with me.
i wish we didn’t live so far from each other and i wish we had closure. come to think of it, i’ve never had closure with any guy ever really. maybe bc i detach myself, unknowingly to him or maybe he’d float away, unknowingly to me.
i don’t talk about sex, but i really regret not having any with him. tmi.
so :(. i wish i wasn’t this girl’s only friend. its not that i don’t like hanging with her, she does get mad annoying, but i can endure it, oh idk, once a month. its just, my friends don’t like you, so i’d have to ditch EVERYBODY to hang out with you cuz no one will want to stop what they are doing to hang out with you. cuz u annoy them.
in other news, i’m really praying and cleaning my spirit in focus of a new and good path to be on. i feel as if i’m in my transitional phase; i’m confused, a little apprehensive because i’m completely unsure what’s coming up next. like, i’m on a plateau before ascension. i’m scared that there will be another trough after my ascension, so i’m trying to stay stagnant. what if i’m not able to handle my ascension, and i overwhelm myself into a trough? what if there isn’t an incline ahead of me ahead - instead a decline? i’m making it thru fine now, but how am i gonna handle dips and bruises in the future?
so i’m praying for patience and Light. i’m praying for this internship interview to go well, i’m praying that i’ll get my other job as planned. i’m praying that i will finish losing my last 10, 15 lbs & lose the rest of this belly, lol. i’m praying that i’m learning and don’t make the same mistakes twice. i’m praying that my brother has a wonderful first year in college :] & don’t fuck these hoes.
cuz we don’t luv these hoes!